Three Levels of Emotional Readiness in EFIT: A Reflective Framework
Three Levels of Emotional Readiness in EFIT: A Reflective Framework
By David Bolander, LMHCA Founder, David Bolander Psychotherapy | Indianapolis, Indiana
As a therapist practicing in Indianapolis, Indiana, I’ve been exploring Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) as one of my primary integrative approaches—alongside attachment theory and psychodynamic therapy. In my work at David Bolander Psychotherapy, I often reflect on how clients respond to emotional deepening and how I navigate the stages and interventions of EFIT in real time.
This post is a reflection for fellow therapists working in or adjacent to Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) spaces. I’d love to hear your thoughts, resonances, and refinements.
A Nonlinear Journey Through EFIT
I’ve noticed three distinct patterns—or “levels”—that seem to shape how I respond as a therapist. These aren’t rigid stages, but more like energetic states that help me orient to where the client is in their emotional journey. Over time, I’ve come to realize that navigating the EFIT Tango isn’t just a linear experience—it’s a dance of readiness, safety, and unfolding.
I know much of this may echo what’s already embedded in EFT/EFIT theory, especially the emphasis on emotional processing and the structured steps of the Tango. But naming these “levels” has helped me track client readiness more intuitively—especially when the process feels ambiguous or nonlinear.
It’s less about adding something new to the model, and more about deepening my felt sense of where the client is, and how I might respond.
The Three Levels of Emotional Readiness in EFIT
1. Emotional Inaccessibility or Avoidance
The client cannot stay with the emotion. They shift quickly, intellectualize, or dissociate. This often signals a need for more safety, co-regulation, and therapist-as-secure-base. I find myself slowing down, validating defenses, and building emotional scaffolding.
2. Emotional Holding and Somatic Awareness
The client can stay with the emotion, locate it in the body, and begin to process it—but may not be able to make links to past events. This still feels like healing in itself. Despite the perceived stuckness, I try to support emotional regulation, validate the new capacity, and gently track for emerging links or shifts.
3. Emotional Transformation and Attachment Mapping
The client is able to access memories, images, or relational rules tied to the emotion. They are able to explore, grieve, and begin to reshape internal working models. This is the space I am hoping to get to in my EFIT work, where deep change seems to begin to happen. I companion the client through naming, validating, and reworking attachment narratives, hoping that new relational maps begin to form.
When Clients Get Stuck in EFIT
What I’ve also noticed is that clients often get “stuck” at a particular level—especially between levels 1 and 2—until something shifts in the relational field. Sometimes it’s a moment of felt safety. Sometimes it’s the therapist being experienced more fully as a secure base. These shifts seem to open the door to deeper emotional engagement.
An Invitation to Reflect
I’m still exploring this framework, and I’d love to hear how others track emotional movement in EFIT and Emotionally Focused Therapy more broadly.
Do you notice similar patterns in your work?
How do you respond when a client gets stuck or shifts away from core emotion?
What helps you recognize when emotional transformation is beginning to unfold?
Thanks for reading—and for being part of this learning space.
About the Author David Bolander, LMHCA, is a psychotherapist based in Indianapolis, Indiana. He is the founder of David Bolander Psychotherapy, where he offers emotionally attuned counseling for adults navigating depression, relational challenges, and inner transformation. His integrative approach blends Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), EFIT, attachment theory, and psychodynamic principles. David is passionate about deepening emotional presence in therapy and co-creating frameworks that support healing through connection. His clinical work is supported through supervision by Mike O’Connell, LMFT.
